Sometimes I Wake Up Pissed and Angry

Sometimes I wake up scared and angry. I suppose many others do too.

Why am I angry when I first wake up. Well, I think of all the people
that have been crappy to me. There's a long list of names in my old age
going back to the first grade.

But, then I say to myself that's in the past and then generally get over
it.

But, then I am scared first thing in the morning.

The media is shouting: The world is over! The debt ceiling is going to
fall on us and shatter! The Europe contagion is going
to spread. Swine flu will turn into dog flu will turn to cat flu and
infect everyone. I'll get a mosquito bite and die. I'll go down
on my Harley and take Carmen with me. What if the stock market goes to
ZERO? What if something happens to my kids? Or, heaven forbid, to me! What if I die of a long, lingering painful disease when I’m older. What if I make a fool of myself…again. What if someone I want to like me, doesn't like me. What if I don't get
done anything I want to get done? What if I forget to answer the right
emails? What if traffic on my blog is down? What if I make lots of mistakes in a
row and go broke?

I've been embarrassed many times. Like at dinners where I said the wrong
thing and everyone ended up with the guests disliking me. Where I've
split the rear of my pants out in public. Or at parties where I maybe had
a bit too much to drink and spewed idiocy. Or I lent the wrong person
money.

Holy…I've made the wrong choices almost every single day of my life.
What the heck happened? Nada! Zip!

And yet here I am. At this moment I'm pretty happy. After I wake up and
discard the cloud of sleep I forget about all of that pain, fear, agony,
crying, desperation, futility,embarrassment, shame – here I am writing to you. It’s not like I'm a super success. A lot of people are more successful than I. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter that some don't like my scribbling. I do it for me and
that gives me some satisfaction crafting a few words together.

All of the above is just a concise snapshot of life as we humans
experience it. Just give me a glass of red wine in the evening and I'm
perfectly content with my situation in life sitting and socializing at night at the bar at Jinjas and verbal jabbing with my fellow Jinjaites regulars.

Life really is pretty simple as long as I think this way.