What is it in the American psyche causes us to have a enduring relationship with them?Upon analysis, they are but the initial phase in the processing of cow meat. That's right cow meat, not chicken meat, not sheep meat and not fish meat.Why isn't the chickenboy , sheepboy and fishermen given mythical proportions. Why does it have to be a boy? I know of deadly altercations caused by one calling another "boy". But when you add "cow" to "boy" then it is acceptable---real strange.
Why not cowmen or cowwomen? Except in the case of fishermen, all the rest are boys. Is it because fishing is the work of men and not boys? Maybe so. In deep see fishing , men are the only ones who can afford a 50 foot Hatteras.
In the processing of cow meat there are several phases including the caring and growing of cows, the slaughter of cows, the freezer plant middlemen and the retailer. All have a hand in presenting a nice plate of cow meat to Mr. and Mrs. Consumer.Why, of all these people involved with cow meat, does the initial phase of the process of putting cow meat on the plate receive special treatment by the public? What is so romantic about repairing fences, roping a cow, and branding it? What is so romantic about fleas and ticks? What is so romantic about living on a couple of plates of beans a day? What is so romantic about not seeing the other sex for months? They can't be that romantic as they haven't had enough practice. Besides they're just inexperienced boys. What makes an otherwise perfectly reasonable urban person attempt to mimic them? Too many movies watched?
Why don't we raise the status of the abattoir employee? For those that are vocabularianly challenged, that's a slaughter house. Why don't we mimic the dress of slaughterers by dressing in slaughter house clothes. You know, those white overalls covered in cow blood. Why not those big industrial square toed boots instead of those little pointy ones? The slaughterer is one step up in the cow meat process and with union wages makes more than the cowboy and definitely has a more romantic lifestyle, what with being in a local Pub or home at night with his paramour and not stuck off in some lonesome deserted area without a female in sight.
I know! I know! You're thinking of those big limpid pools of a cow's eyes when they give you that baleful look and make that cooing (Scuse me, "mooing" sound) But it's not the same--The eyes of the cow are bigger and rounder. Can't you see the look on your wife's face when you dress up in slaughterhouse overalls with those big square work shoes for a night on the town? Real trendy! But seriously, why not? It is the same as dressing up in the work clothes of a cowboy. One cares for the cows and the other kills the cows-both essential to chowing down on a good porterhouse steak.
What is a porterhouse steak anyway? Were the cows raised or killed at Porter's house? We have all seen menus featuring "porterhouse" steaks but can anyone but a benedictine monk tell you what significance that attaches to a piece of cow meat? Maybe the guy named Porter could ,but he probably took that little secret to his grave. Probably never even saw a live cow in his life either as he was just a smart marketeer. Kinda like on the menu they put in "roast beef au jus" or "potatoes al gratin". What the hell does that mean anyway? I suppose not knowing justifies a higher price and makes people think they are getting more for the money and not just roast beef or potatoes. How much are we being gouged for the "au jus" and "al gratin"?
I once asked a waiter to " eliminate" the "au jus" and "al gratin" and he said "yes sir, no problem". Five minutes later he returned to the table with a deeply apologetic tone informing me that he would have liked to eliminate these items but that the chef informed him that the "eliminator" was broken and had been sent to the repairman. Obviously an extremely dumb waiter and a brilliantly creative chef. I like to think that his answer was at least as good as my request.
Can't chickenboys and sheepboys be raised to leviathan mythology like cowboys? We all eat those little creatures that were tenderly nurtured and cared for by them too. Maybe they ought to make movies about them also. Of course those classical movie scenes of the cowboys going into Dry Gulch and getting drunk, getting a paid girly and then shooting up the town and each other and in that order would probably be not shot or cut if shot. However, I personally think that chickenboys and sheepboys can drink and shoot and get a girly with the best of em. I don't think one's occupation depends upon how well you can do these type of things.
My uncle Jack was a newspaper editor. He was the best I've ever seen at all three of these endeavors. A cowboy could not hold a candle to him and he had an aversion to cows. In fact of matter, he once told me he would have been a vegetarian except that he hated cows so much. You get it?
Speaking of drinking, did you ever see a cowboy do anything but belly up to the bar and quaff down a huge glass of straight liquor without so much as a grimace. They always tell the bartender to leave the bottle also. Didn't they know about cocktails or a good non-alcohol brew like O'douls? I recall as a child when I was watching a barroom cowboy scene when the " White Hat" guy walked up to the bar and ordered a sarsaparilla. The "Black hat" guy with the pointy nose and squinting eyes next to him said "only chicken livered yellow cowards order sarsaparilla". Yes, you bright people probably have already figured out the denouement to this scene. In any case this movie made such an indelible impression on me that throughout my life time I have never ordered a sarsaparilla in a bar.
That's as good as any reason to give to have a drink of the real thing. I realize that I have covered a lot of ground , But I would like someone somewhere to reflect on these many questions I have presented and come up with some solid answers to them----real deep well thought out philosophic answers. The last thing I need are shallow flippant type answers. After all, I'm highly educated, well trained with an innate ability to size up the problem and give cogent lucid answers. Unfortunately, I am unable to accomplish this in the context of the American cowboy's continuing larger than life legendary myth. I am now leaving to the local pub to have something other than a sarsaparilla and continue to reflect on the myth of the cowboy.
Bob White
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